Space cadet

The day at the Ford garage wasn't the first (or last) time I spaced out.  In Kindergarten we always lined up to go everywhere, and in those days we lined up in two rows, by gender.  We took turns getting to be the first in line.  We were in an old school and had to go downstairs to go to the restroom, so we went at scheduled times, as a whole class.  It was finally my turn to be the leader of the girl's line.  We were on the right side of the boys.  Time to go downstairs, and I was so proud to be leading the girls.  All of a sudden I realized that there is no one behind me anymore.  I had forgotten to turn left at the stairs.  The girl behind me just led the rest of the line downstairs while I continued to walk straight forward.  I don't remember leading the line ever again after that. Well, who cares; they didn't follow me anyway!

Visiting the Ford garage

One day in 2nd grade, when it was time for afternoon recess, I walked out and started for home.  I must have been really out of it, because I didn't notice that when we walked out the door everyone else turned right when I turned left, or notice that I was the only one walking down the hill,. This was the year of the abusive nun, so maybe I went someplace else in my mind that day. It was when I reached the bottom of the hill that I realized I was alone and there was no safety patrol to help me cross the street.  I started to cry because I didn't know what was going on.  Across the street was the Ford garage, and one of the mechanics came out and took me into the garage.  I don't know why they just kept me there, but they did.  Maybe I didn't tell them my name, or whatever, but I would think that they would have tried to find out where I was supposed to be, or call the police, or something.  But they didn't do that. They sat me down and gave me snacks to eat, and talked to me while they worked.  I remember sitting on the hood of a car. When school was really over, they just sent me home.  Meanwhile, the school had called my mother and told her I was missing and hadn't come in from recess.  She called my dad at work and he was driving around looking for me. So when I walked in the door at home, oblivious, I was met by a frantic mother (who almost killed me).  This was just one of those weird things that happened in my life. In a freaky coincidence, as a freshman in high school I met a girl and became best friends with her.  Her father worked as a mechanic at the Ford garage, and he was the one who had come out to get me and took me into the shop.

Dating a priest

Speaking of priests, our family sometimes got friendly with younger priests at our parish.  My brother Alan was really good friends with Father Al. Al would come over to our house and hang out.  The summer I was 18 I didn't go to Colorado for the summer, but stayed home with Alan so I could work and earn money for college.  That summer Alan had a girlfriend named Karen who also spent a lot of time at our house.  That meant that the four of us spent a lot of time together.  We were all friends and didn't think anything of it.  One night we went out to see "Jesus Christ Superstar."  We all walked in, Alan and Karen in front, and me and Father Al behind them.  I was goofing off and introduced Father Al to a friend of mine as my "date." Right after that we turned around and saw some people from our church, staring at us and whispering.  They must have ran to tell the head priest about what they saw, because after that Father Al hardly ever came to our house any more.  Nosy bitches!  I didn't see father Al much after starting college, until he was going to marry me.  No, not MARRY me, marry me, but marry me as in performing the ceremony.  He was a great guy! Cute, too!

Toilet Papering

The second best time I went out toilet papering was a summer in Colorado living in Fort Collins. A bunch of us were hanging around outside and got the brilliant idea to go toilet paper something.  We went in and got the TP and started wandering around looking for something to put it on. When you don't really know anyone it is harder to decide where to go because you are going to TP a total stranger's stuff.  We decided to do cars (Do you see a theme here?)  We went down an alley and found a car we went to work on.  All of a sudden a car turned into the alley and we ducked down figuring it would go by us.  However, it didn't go by.  It stopped where we were and a light started shining at us.  That was when we realized it was a cop car.  Then that was when we started running.  We ran in all different directions, and I remember hitting the ground to go under a hedge.  We were lucky no one was caught, except for the branches that caught my arms and legs and ripped the hell out of them.  Try to explain THAT to your mother! (And also where all the toilet paper she just bought went.)

My first, best and favorite time going TPing was actually as an adult.  (I'll bet you thought my favorite time was in Denver at Cheesman Park!)  A bunch of us were at a house party and 'someone' decided we should go and TP another couple's house.  The police came and caught us at it, but we got away with it because the person who suggested doing it lied and said we had permission to do it.  You think I get in trouble? You think I was the 'someone'? Nope.  That person was our parish priest!

Cheesman Park in Denver

Every summer in Denver's Cheesman Park, they put up a stage and did a Broadway musical.  It was free, and you sat on the grass to watch.  In order to get a good place, my parents would pack lunch and dinner and we would go down in the morning.  All day we would run around and goof off while our mom and dad stayed on the blanket holding our spot.  The musicals I remember seeing were "The King and I," "South Pacific," "The Sound of Music," and "My Fair Lady." This was in the 60s, so these were pretty big back then.  They had some professional actors for the big parts, and local talent for the rest of the cast.  The year we saw "South Pacific" it rained, and I remember my sister Mary and I laughing hysterically about the song, "I'm gonna wash that man right out of my hair," being sung in the rain.  When the rain stopped, they mopped off the stage and just started where they left off.  A bunch of people had left, so we moved up closer to the front and stayed and watched the rest.  The year I was 17 we went with another family from Wisconsin whose dad was also going to school out there. They had a daughter my age (Becky), a daughter Mary's age (Nancy) and another daughter closer to our little brother Brian's age (Barbara).  I did a lot with Becky, who was my age, but frequently it was the four older kids hanging out together.  Teens with too much time on their hands can get in trouble, and that year I remember stealing toilet paper out of the bathrooms and using it to toilet paper random cars parked in the streets around the park.  That time no cops saw us.  Yup, I said, THAT time...

Summers in Colorado

My father went to school out in Fort Collins, Colorado at Colorado State University, to finish his Bachelor's degree and to get his Master's degree starting when I was 12 years old.  Most years we went along and lived there for the summer. Although not all of my brothers and sisters went along, because two were married, five of us lived there with our parents.  Because of having a large family and because we didn't have a lot of money, we rented several fraternity houses to live in. The first thing we did was clean the house.  We each got to pick our own room as long as we cleaned it.  It was the only time I ever had my own room.  The first summer we lived in Theta Chi.  There was no television in the house, which meant we had to come up with ways to entertain ourselves. One of the things we did was play multiple person Solitaire.  We would sit at one of the large tables in the dining room and each of us would deal out a game of Solitaire.  Then all hell would break out as we were looking at everyone else's game to try to play one of our cards on theirs.  The first person to go out would win.  At times you would see a chance to play a card and you had to get up and run around the table to the place you could play the card. Sometimes more than one person would see the same chance to play a card and would race to be there first.  Only time in my life I got bruises from playing Solitaire.

Not Politically Correct

When I was a kid we told a lot of jokes that today would be considered "not politically correct."  In addition to Pollock jokes, we told Helen Keller jokes (What did Helen Keller's parents do to punish her? Rearrange the furniture.), dead baby jokes (Won't even put one here), Chinese book title jokes (Spot On the Wall, by Who Flung Dung), and brother jokes (Mommy, mommy, I don't like my brother. Shut up and keep eating).  But my favorites were the "guy with no arms and legs" jokes. I loved the play on words.

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall?
Art

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs lying on your front porch?
Matt

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs lying in a ditch?
Phil

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs floating in the ocean?
Bob

OK, so I'm weird!