Toilet Papering

The second best time I went out toilet papering was a summer in Colorado living in Fort Collins. A bunch of us were hanging around outside and got the brilliant idea to go toilet paper something.  We went in and got the TP and started wandering around looking for something to put it on. When you don't really know anyone it is harder to decide where to go because you are going to TP a total stranger's stuff.  We decided to do cars (Do you see a theme here?)  We went down an alley and found a car we went to work on.  All of a sudden a car turned into the alley and we ducked down figuring it would go by us.  However, it didn't go by.  It stopped where we were and a light started shining at us.  That was when we realized it was a cop car.  Then that was when we started running.  We ran in all different directions, and I remember hitting the ground to go under a hedge.  We were lucky no one was caught, except for the branches that caught my arms and legs and ripped the hell out of them.  Try to explain THAT to your mother! (And also where all the toilet paper she just bought went.)

My first, best and favorite time going TPing was actually as an adult.  (I'll bet you thought my favorite time was in Denver at Cheesman Park!)  A bunch of us were at a house party and 'someone' decided we should go and TP another couple's house.  The police came and caught us at it, but we got away with it because the person who suggested doing it lied and said we had permission to do it.  You think I get in trouble? You think I was the 'someone'? Nope.  That person was our parish priest!

Cheesman Park in Denver

Every summer in Denver's Cheesman Park, they put up a stage and did a Broadway musical.  It was free, and you sat on the grass to watch.  In order to get a good place, my parents would pack lunch and dinner and we would go down in the morning.  All day we would run around and goof off while our mom and dad stayed on the blanket holding our spot.  The musicals I remember seeing were "The King and I," "South Pacific," "The Sound of Music," and "My Fair Lady." This was in the 60s, so these were pretty big back then.  They had some professional actors for the big parts, and local talent for the rest of the cast.  The year we saw "South Pacific" it rained, and I remember my sister Mary and I laughing hysterically about the song, "I'm gonna wash that man right out of my hair," being sung in the rain.  When the rain stopped, they mopped off the stage and just started where they left off.  A bunch of people had left, so we moved up closer to the front and stayed and watched the rest.  The year I was 17 we went with another family from Wisconsin whose dad was also going to school out there. They had a daughter my age (Becky), a daughter Mary's age (Nancy) and another daughter closer to our little brother Brian's age (Barbara).  I did a lot with Becky, who was my age, but frequently it was the four older kids hanging out together.  Teens with too much time on their hands can get in trouble, and that year I remember stealing toilet paper out of the bathrooms and using it to toilet paper random cars parked in the streets around the park.  That time no cops saw us.  Yup, I said, THAT time...

Summers in Colorado

My father went to school out in Fort Collins, Colorado at Colorado State University, to finish his Bachelor's degree and to get his Master's degree starting when I was 12 years old.  Most years we went along and lived there for the summer. Although not all of my brothers and sisters went along, because two were married, five of us lived there with our parents.  Because of having a large family and because we didn't have a lot of money, we rented several fraternity houses to live in. The first thing we did was clean the house.  We each got to pick our own room as long as we cleaned it.  It was the only time I ever had my own room.  The first summer we lived in Theta Chi.  There was no television in the house, which meant we had to come up with ways to entertain ourselves. One of the things we did was play multiple person Solitaire.  We would sit at one of the large tables in the dining room and each of us would deal out a game of Solitaire.  Then all hell would break out as we were looking at everyone else's game to try to play one of our cards on theirs.  The first person to go out would win.  At times you would see a chance to play a card and you had to get up and run around the table to the place you could play the card. Sometimes more than one person would see the same chance to play a card and would race to be there first.  Only time in my life I got bruises from playing Solitaire.

Not Politically Correct

When I was a kid we told a lot of jokes that today would be considered "not politically correct."  In addition to Pollock jokes, we told Helen Keller jokes (What did Helen Keller's parents do to punish her? Rearrange the furniture.), dead baby jokes (Won't even put one here), Chinese book title jokes (Spot On the Wall, by Who Flung Dung), and brother jokes (Mommy, mommy, I don't like my brother. Shut up and keep eating).  But my favorites were the "guy with no arms and legs" jokes. I loved the play on words.

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall?
Art

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs lying on your front porch?
Matt

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs lying in a ditch?
Phil

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs floating in the ocean?
Bob

OK, so I'm weird!

Second Movie

My sister Patti took me to see the movie "Darby O'Gill and the Little People."  In this movie there is a "banshee." A banshee in Irish folklore is a fairy spirit who wails if someone is about to die.  The banshee in the movie didn't look like a fairy.  Watch this You Tube video. Right about the time the banshee comes forward, when Darby yells, "Keep off now! Keep off now!" I ran screaming from the theater.  I was in the lobby crying and shaking and the owner of the theater was trying to calm me when my sister came out to see where I went.  I would NOT go back in.  They gave us our money back and we went home.  Does anyone know how it ended?

BTW, did you see the young Sean Connery? I didn't even notice him the first time I saw the movie! Of course, that was when I was still planning on becoming a nun.

Seeing My First Movie

A new family moved in around the corner.  There was a boy my age, named David.  One day they came by the house to pick me up to take me to the movies.  My mother had forgotten they were going to do that, and told them I couldn't go because she forgot and I didn't have any shoes to wear because they were at the shoe repair shop, and I only had the one pair.  David's mom offered to drive over there to pick them up, so that's what we did. It was the weirdest feeling.  Going off in a car with total strangers and going in to pick up my shoes. I loved those shoes.  They were red leather Mary Janes.  Anyway, after we got my shoes we went to the movies.  It was the first time I ever went to the movie theater.  We saw the Disney film, "Johnny Tremain." The part that I remember most is when Johnny spilled melted silver on his hand and burned it. David went to the public school so I didn't really get to know him until high school. We didn't even play together in summer.  If he saw me he chased me away. In high school he asked me out, but he was 3 inches shorter than me so I didn't go out with him.  Hmmm, maybe if I would have gone in stocking feet...

Being Babysat 2: On being tied in bed

Parents should realize that younger children do not always listen to older children who have been left in charge.  I mean, these are brothers and sisters!  One night my parents went out to a party, and left my sisters and a brother, and me alone with our oldest brother, Bill.  He was probably 11 or 12 at the time.  When it was time for bed he told us to go to bed.  We went to bed, but we didn't stay there.  My sister Mary, who is a year younger than I am, shared a bed with me.  We kept getting out of bed to play.  Our giggling would give us away, and soon Billy would be there to yell at us to get back in bed.  It became a game with us to see how long we could be up before he came back at told us to get in bed.  Apparently he tired of the game before we did, so he brought some rope, wrestled us down and tied us in bed.  When my parents came home, Billy really got yelled at because, "What if there was a fire?" Us little girls were the trouble makers, but got off scot-free. Again.  And as an adult I have tormented Bill even more by telling him it is his fault that I like kinky sex. I figure he deserves it because of the cat.

Being Babysat 1: On Getting Lost

When you live in a large family, older brothers and sisters get stuck watching the younger ones.  When I was 3, my oldest brother, Bill, took some of us to play at a park near our house. I remember not wanting to go home when he said it was time.  I was sitting on a swing, and hanging tightly to the chains.  Bill tried to peel my hands off the chains, but he couldn't do it.  He got angry and went home with the other kids.  About 2 minutes later I realized I was alone and decided to go home.  The only trouble was I knew I had to go through the alley and then turn right on my block to our house, but didn't know I had to go more than one block through the alley, so I ended up on the wrong street.  Our mother had immediately sent my brother back to get me, but I was gone before he got there.  I wandered for blocks trying to find my house, and ended up on the busiest corner of our downtown.  By this time I was crying, and a Police Officer came and got me.  He took my to the Police Station, where he gave me candy and ice cream.  I don't know if my mother had called the police, or if I gave them my name, but I remember later being driven to our house in a police car.  My poor brother got spanked for leaving me at the park, and I got the candy an ice cream. Life is good. Heh heh heh.

Dressing the Cat, etc.

We always had a cat when I was a kid.  Our cat Fluffy was so mellow that we could dress her up in our doll clothes, put her in our little doll buggy and push her around pretending she was our baby. After Fluffy's unfortunate demise, we had to do something else, so my sister Mary and I started dressing up our little brother Brian.  We put him in girl clothes, put a chiffon kerchief on his head to hide the short hair, and pushed him all over town in his stroller.  We told everyone he was our sister Cathy. I'm surprised Brian didn't become a cross dresser when he grew up.  At least I don't THINK he's a cross dresser.  Maybe I should ask him.

Christmas Cat

Well, it wasn't really a Christmas Cat, it's just that my brother found it on Christmas Eve.  It was our family cat. We used to let our cats go outside when ever they wanted.  Our cat, Fluffy, went outside a few days before Christmas and didn't come back.  My brother Bill found her on Christmas Eve and brought her home.  Awwww, sweet story, huh?  In MY family?  It's a true story, but I left out a few details.  My brother found Fluffy dead, all squashed flat from cars running over her, frozen to the middle of the road.  He went home, got a shovel, and worked for about 40 minutes carefully scraping her off the road.  Then he brought the frozen flat cat home.  I remember it like it was yesterday.  I was in the kitchen, he walked in the back door, lifted the frozen cat by her tail and said, "I found the cat." And started laughing.  And I started crying.  And my sister Barbara started crying.  We cried all night and didn't even want to open our presents.  That day my mother almost killed my brother. When my brother and his wife came to visit us this summer I gave him a present.  I had found a cast iron flat cat (life size) and got it for him.  I thought maybe it would make a great stepping stone in his flower garden, or maybe a door stop.  Next time I go to his house I expect to see it in an honored place. It's the least he can do.